just exactly how badly do you want it?

i've been in a position the past few days where i've found myself looking in the mirror, asking the lady looking back at me that very question. regardless of what it is you think you may want, you sometimes have to face the lady in the mirror, look her eye to eye and put it all out there. including the tears. including the not-so-ladylike words. including the shouting and screaming. including the "what ifs...", the "buts" and the "if onlys...". and then once you've let it all go...purged your deepest deeps of the virus that is fear and disappointment....turn around and walk away. that's the hard part....the "not dwelling on it" part. but "when a door closes, somewhere God opens a window"...loosely translated (thank you julie andrews...i love "the sound of music"!) that means look somewhere else for your answer. when disappointments come, they hit hard and fast...sometimes taking our feet right out from under us. when we've allowed ourselves the luxury of looking into the future with hope and anticipation only to have the picture we've saved of what we think it will be like shattered right in front of us, it's tough. but life isn't just that one picture...it's every page in the whole book, every frame of the movie...and no it isn't all good. but it all works out somehow....if you want it badly enough to keep going after it. so your feet got knocked out from under you...get up. take a deep breath, straighten your back and shake it off. if a door is shut, look for the window. go on to plan b...or c...or even d if you have to...but keep going forward. you can't change what's already been but you can use what you learned from it to make what's in front of you even better. so i asked that lady in the mirror..."just exactly how badly do you want it?" her answer?.....with steely eyes, squared shoulders, a firm jaw and a determined stare she nodded her head, took a deep breath, turned and walked away. last i saw, she was looking for the window.