perspective

it is yet another gray drippy day here...the kind of day that should be snowy, given that it's the middle of january...but nooooooo, it's rain. again. tomorrow and the rest of the week look to be sunny, but today....gray, cool, soggy. the kind of day that makes one think "maybe i should just take a nap...and when i wake up, maybe it'll be gone." that kind of day. and then i remember.....

that down the road, there is a young family in a state of heartbreak....the father is dying of cancer....the young mother will soon be a single parent to four...FOUR children ages 2 - 16.

that i have multiple friends who are going through the unthinkable with a parent, as i have. not cancer for them...but alzheimer's...which i think is even worse. my greatest fear at this stage of my life is not that i would ever get cancer, but that i would ever have to put my family through the heartbreak of my not knowing them, not remembering what my life has been about, not being able to talk to them about major life events and the memories i still carry in my heart...i fear that more than any other medical issue....truly fear.
so, in this year, i have decided to journal for them.....a journal for each child and one for each grandchild....kind of like an ongoing letter of what i remember....what i enjoyed...what we did together....so that in the event, god forbid, i cannot remember someday, they can pick up that journal and read my words...so they will know what i carried in my heart....they will know what was important to me and know without a doubt that i did remember...that no matter what, they always live in my heart.

that i am so blessed to have friends i know i can rely on....that at the mere mention of a need, they jump to help...that support me in times of struggle and encourage me to do those things i sometimes wonder if i really can do.

i remember these things and this gray drippy day doesn't seem so bad after all....
i guess it's all about perspective.