today

it is the end of what has been a deeply comforting day, this mother's day. that in itself is saying something....this day has been difficult ever since mom's death in 2009. but i've realized something. this day, this one day in which we celebrate and honor our mothers....i don't miss her any more on this one day than i do any other day. and this year, it's been different. the missing her part is always there and while some days i still struggle with the missing her part, this year there was more joy than sorrow....more hope than sadness...more deep contentment at realizing how truly blessed i am than the missing part. did i think of her off and on all day...most certainly. when i looked at my grandchildren...when they hugged me....when i heard my son's voice on the phone first thing this morning...when i sat across from my daughter at lunch and talked...when my sister called...when i purchased flowers for her grave. but in all that i felt so....comforted and content.....like a warm blanket had been wrapped around me and i was in a soft, comfortable place. i suppose the word may well be...whole. and i felt peace. today i spent time with my children and grandchildren. that was the sole focus of my day. i think maybe i finally learned that hope and love trump pain and sadness....almost as if i saw for the first time....really saw...how truly blessed i am.  and tonight as i fall asleep, may the whispers of "thank you god" cross my lips again and again and again....