Saturday, September 22, 2012


real, by definition means "being in fact; not imagined."
it's hard to "be real" means letting that which is within you out for all the world to see...good and bad. i admire those who are that open. it leaves you exposed and raw. i've not been able to achieve that. rare is the person who knows the whole story of me...or you.  that said, it is equally difficult, i think, to be the one who is always, always, ALWAYS "just fine, thanks"....even if i'm not. because to be honest, are they really asking because they want to know or just because it's polite to ask? to be one who does that which is expected no matter what...and says "sure, that's fine"....when it isn't.  to be the one who gives in, who doesn't speak up because oh no, that would cause conflict or controversy. i can be so bold in words....but in deeds? brave and bold are rarely words i would use to describe myself. if i could, i would choose to be different. i would choose to be as big as my words. i would choose to stand up to those who have learned that i will tolerate instead of confront.  i would choose to run right over the top of fear and keep on going at full speed. i'm one who wishes the phrase "but what if..." had never been invented. i'm entirely too analytical in my decision making. sometimes i end up with no decision as my decision simply because i was afraid to make THE decision. and so i sit in a world where little changes. the reason? because I am not being real. i am not being true to the me that shouts and screams from within. and who suffers because of that, do you think? me. certainly not those who need to be dealt with. thus, everyone on the outside looking in thinks things are "just fine, thanks." it's like living in a house with the curtains closed all. the. time.
and it's wrong. for me, at least. the only way to get something different out of it is to put something different into it. i think it's time to open the curtains. i've said much the same before...but lacked the boldness to support the words. now? i must do this for myself. perhaps opening the curtains won't be enough....perhaps i'll fling open a few windows in the process. and perhaps i'll start tossing those things from within me that i no longer wish to burden myself with. because it is time to be real. finally.


  1. I think a lot of woman understand this ...but each of us keeps things hidden inside and it's hard to open those curtains for all the world to see.
    If I'm reading between the lines at all here, I see someone with a burden that is no longer hiding in it's "dark" room, comfortably. Saying that you are "just fine.." has become a struggle for you. Maybe it's time for the real you to come out into the sunshine.
    We all choose to keep some of ourselves inside, with the curtains closed, but maybe you need to start opening those curtains, slowly, and let some of "you" shine through.
    It's OK. It's time.

    1. I agree, my friend. It is time...and it is OK. Thanks!