Wednesday, February 6, 2013

just me, in real life

it's a beautiful morning here...the kind that makes me yearn for spring. i do love winter...i love snow...but spring is a time of new growth, new beginnings, starting over, refreshing of the soul.  and that is exactly the place where i am right now.
there are, however, so many things that i am not. i have come to realize recently, though, that just because i am not now doesn't mean i will not be at some point. we are all in a state of becoming, and i choose to believe in my case at least, that is a positive thing. i like what i see myself becoming. i have been living in a big learning curve of late. i have learned much about myself...who i am, what i want, what i do not want, what i will and will not tolerate, to follow through on what i say.
i am not one who walks the river....there isn't one here to walk. if there was, i would.  i am not one who farms, though i did, in days past...and i would again love to have a big garden. i am not one who walks the beach every would take hours of driving to get there, but were i closer...i would. i am not one who eats as i should all the time....although i do love all kinds of food, healthy and....not so healthy. i am not one who can sit in front of the television day in and day out, entertained mindlessly yet doing nothing. i am not one who will tolerate intentional, repeated disrespect, an intentional breaking of promises and vows with no regard of anything except one's own personal pleasure. i am not one who takes kindly to those who think the rules don't apply to them, that they were made to be broken, and if you can break the rules without anyone finding out and get away with it, all the better. no.
so. who am i, in real life? good question.
i am one who waits...sometimes to a fault....before making a decision.
i am one who's as if a movie is playing in my mind.
i am one who dreams. of what? places to go, things to make, people to talk to, things to do, a garden. of course, that place in the mountains.
i have an idea book in which i write...actually, it's more like scribble...or draw...ideas for all kinds of creative, quilts, scarves, Christmas i suppose i am a planner.
i am one who has found her voice recently and is becoming less and less afraid to use it. and i am one who likes the sound of that.
i am one who probably goes to walmart entirely too much and craft stores such as michael's, a.c. moore, and hobby lobby even more than that.
i am one who explores....and i don't always follow the path.
i am one who can spend hours in antique stores, consignment stores and thrift shops.
i am one who spends exhorbitant amounts of time some days dreaming through real estate websites, trying to find that "perfect little place" in the mountains, but who can't decide just exactly which mountains she wants to be surrounded by.
i am one who has cats...too many cats...because people drop them off, so i feed them...and they stay...forever...and have families.
i am one who finally has her lovelies in a store, a booth space at a real store...and is making money doing what i  love. and i much prefer selling face to face than online...i want people to touch what i do, see it in different light, i want to see their faces and talk to them.
i am not one who drinks much or smokes at all.
i am one who loves music...and light...and fresh air.
i am one who prefers to buy and make homemade and handmade. because it comes from the heart.
i am one who loves to cook on cool, rainy days. i love my coffee in the morning and hot tea when the winter winds blow.
i am one who has trouble with her eyes...not just from age, but forever.
i am one who cares deeply about her friends, who worries too much and thinks too much.
i am one who prefers the country to the city, the mountains to the beach, although i can spend time at either place and be happy.
i am one who has had to learn how to live simply, with less instead of more, and who thinks that is a lesson most should be required to learn.
i am one who is so very proud of who her children have become...and who knows that the most important thing a mother can do is love, guide and teach her children in what is good and right.
so for today at least, you have a taste of who i am.
tell me...who are you?

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