Tuesday, February 19, 2013

morning thoughts

well i was right...today is a gray, drippy, cool day. and in truth, that's fine. there are ever so many things i need to focus on inside. in the quiet, as i work, i can hear the rain. this afternoon i will roast some veggies for dinner...i love to cook on rainy days. but this morning, as i sit in the quiet i have these thoughts...
about positive changes...positive choices. 
about the fact that i can only choose for myself. i can choose to let the bad decision others make impact my choices but in the end, the choices i have to make for myself must be positive ones. others must learn that they and they alone own their choices and whatever consequences may follow.
i must get in the habit of asking myself "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" "Is this a positive or a negative?" because in the end I truly am only responsible for my own choices.
they must be right and good and positive.
and instead of focusing on the changes that need to happen with others, i need to focus on the changes i need to make in myself. as i make more positive choices for myself, there is strength that comes with that. there is direction and conviction and power that comes with that. because in saying yes to me, i am saying no to all the things i have allowed to pull and tug and eat away at me, things i've had no control over anyway.
it's not that i'm saying no to you...i'm just saying yes to me. you go on and make your choices...but own them yourself, good or bad, whatever consequences may come as a result. i'm choosing for me.
there was a time not so long ago when i would've thought that was the most selfish thing i've ever heard. that i should always give and give and give...but in doing that, sometimes we give until there's nothing left for us to use for ourselves. and don't get me wrong...i do want to give. i want to share and give of myself and my time and talents. that, to me, is a positive thing, so yes, i want to do that. but what i don't want is to see the negative choices made by others and allow myself to be pulled in by that...to be in a position where i am tolerating...and owning...others' bad choices instead of standing up and making my own positive ones.
i must choose for myself that which is right and good and go in the direction that has been laid forth based on that. positive choices, positive changes.  
i must own that for myself.

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