friends.....really?

have you ever given thought to what a real friend is? or what characteristics those you consider to be your friends all possess? have you ever wondered if you possess those same characteristics? why do you let them into your little world...or why do they allow you to be a part of theirs? or.....do you?....or....do they?  allow it,  that is.
really?
there are those individuals i've know for a long long....LONG time...and we keep in contact reasonably often...but when we talk or get together, it's as if we just pick up where we left off last time. that connection is always there...whether knowingly or unknowingly.
then there are those who you thought were your friends...those you made a connection with....those who, for a while, you opened up to. you valued their opinions, you trusted their judgement, you shared similar interests and dreams. you laughed and cried and rooted each other on. and then...out of nowhere....there's nothing. you wonder if they want..or need...to hear from you at all. you wonder if they ever really looked forward to hearing from you as much as you looked forward to hearing from them. because, you see....you are a giver. and if your friend is a taker...well.....it stands to reason that they may want to have friends...but they may not necessarily want to be one. change is inevitable....it is true. and it is difficult to know that in change we sometimes get left behind....and even more difficult, i think, to recognize that there may be those we have left behind....whether by choice or just by design.
no opening up. short responses....if you get a response at all...when you attempt contact. serious conversation? nope. funny lines? nada. questions? not answered.
it seems as if they've closed the door to you. and you don't know why.
they have no time for you? you're too needy? you expect too much? you wonder if you said something wrong, or did...or didn't do...something.
you wonder why? you want to be the friend, still.....but it seems that door is closed. what do you do? doesn't it make you question yourself? it does me.
turn inward. focus on what you need to do for you. but doesn't that close your own door to someone, perhaps?  and what if you were "inward" to begin with and that friend you miss is the one who opened the window to a part of you that let light in, that let you know it was ok to fly freely for a bit...to dig deep enough to find the you who is really in there? well, in truth....now perhaps it's time to stand on your own and do the same for someone else. perhaps it's time to put what you learned about yourself to the test...perhaps it's time to fly solo for a bit and see where you go. and if the door opens to that friend again? you'll be all the stronger for it. you'll probably be able to be a better friend...because you will be able to rely on yourself more and rely less on them.
i know. friends are those in whom you should always be able to rely...because you know they would've always been able to rely on you.
sigh. how disheartened and disillusioned we become when we realize that isn't always true. but even at that, the door isn't always and forever closed...it's open just a crack....because someday, perhaps...they may come knocking.