Friday, July 26, 2013


i lost my spirit...for a while. seemed like a very long while, but i think it was actually only a couple of months. plans were swirling in my head nonstop....ideas kept coming....i kept busy doing what amounted to piddling. i did nothing of substance...oh sure, i made lovelies....the same old same old. all those wonderful ideas just sat in my head and marinated. i suppose, thinking back, the thought that was the idea needed time to grow. i could not make myself get started on any of them.  it was a quite unnerving time for me. i lacked motivation and determination. i was in a slump...a funk....and i stewed.  i wasn't happy with myself, to be sure. i needed to work. i told myself over and over to get at it.  my mind would cooperate...i would look through my idea book...but then i would just sigh and shake my head and put it down. something just was not clicking. i feared the fire had gone out....but it turns out that was not the case at all.  my spirit...was alive and well,  i just think i hadn't found the thing that would trigger ignition. it was slumbering...slowly smoldering. what was needed was for me to take the time to rethink some hash over those things that were/are important to me...and i had been so busy i had lost sight of the things that for real and for true ignite my spirit and keep the flame burning. i had lost my hopes and wishes and the mundane of the everyday. so i took the time i needed. to just be and breathe...and see if i was still in line with myself and the goals i'd set...the dreams i have. and i wasn't. not by a long shot. i was still on the horse, so to speak, but instead of being in the saddle, i was being drug around, barely holding onto the reins. and the horse was running amuck hither and yon to places i'd had absolutely no plans to go. in order to find myself, it was necesary to just stop and give "stuff" a chance to realign. everything was all out of whack. when the dust finally settled i realized where my focus needed to be. i felt that familiar burn of the flame inside when it ignited. that feeling of being back on track.  i got the stupid horse to stop running and let me off until i could get my legs back under me, so to speak. and then i climbed right back in the saddle....heading in the right direction this time.

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