Monday, July 22, 2013

still learning

I'm sure you've heard the saying "If I'd known I was going to live this long I would've taken better care of myself." The older I get, the more I realize the truth in that statement.
Day after tomorrow, Wed., July 24, will be my 57th birthday.  I share that tidbit of info because it is important at this stage of the game to note that I am still learning....after all this time, a lifetime spent teaching, I am still learning so much. Not so much "school skills"...but things about life. I'm learning about myself.  I'm learning about others. I'm learning new skills. The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" simply is not true....unless of course you refuse to try. There are most certainly some things I simply do not....ever...want to learn. That's a matter of choice. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in learning how to skydive, for instance. What good can come from jumping from a moving plane thousands of feet in the sky with only a nylon rope and a large silk scarf between you and certain death? No thank you. It's a choice. Some would say I'm wrong to feel that way. That's what makes life interesting, my friends....we don't all have to think alike or agree on everything. But listening to what others say, calmly conversing about our likes and differences...that's all part of learning.
That said, I am learning to listen differently...trying to interrupt less and actually listen to what someone is saying. I'm learning that there are multiple ways of doing a task correctly sometimes. I'm learning that no, things really don't always have to happen right now. I'm learning that if, in fact, some things never happen at all, it isn't the end of the world...that it just requires an adjustment of goals and focus...and that life will go on.  I'm learning to look more at the big picture rather than just at my own little world. I'm learning that the things we think are of utmost importance...such as having a spotlessly clean house before company comes....really aren't all that important to company. I'm learning that people will talk regardless of what you do or say and that we have no control over that....instead, we must focus on living a life that is such an example that even when they do talk, no one will believe what they say. I'm learning that people don't always do what they say they will...or that they do what they say they won't....and that those things only have power over me, the way I act or react, my happiness, if I allow it...because ultimately, no one is responsible for my happiness or actions but me.  I'm learning that I have given entirely too much time and effort doing things that I thought mattered to others but that it doesn't always seem to be as important to them as it is/was to me. I'm learning to do mixed media art and I'm learning to quilt. I'm learning to appreciate a gentle breeze, the sound and smell of rain, hummingbirds at the feeder, the smell of dinner cooking, iced coffee....the list could go on forever.
I'm still having difficulty with some things, though. I am still not completely confident or comfortable putting the pieces of myself that I lovelies..,out into the world, although I do craft shows and do have them for sale at 2 stores...I still am particularly tender about doing that.   I have difficulty accepting compliments. A simple "Thank you" seems inadequate but to go into a full explanation of the details is entirely too much. I'm having a bit of a hard time understanding how or why some things that seem so obvious to me, others do not even remotely "get" or give any importance to at all. I'm finding it difficult to speak up sometimes...still. That one's an ongoing issue with me. I'm one who will keep her mouth shut and not address what needs addressing because I detest conflict or controversy.  I'm working on that one. It is becoming more and more important that I stand up and speak up. I've learned that some people thrive on doing things they know they shouldn't do just because they want the thrill of getting away with something they think no one knows about. And sometimes I am honestly amazed that they believe no one will find out.  I'm learning that people do lie to you. And people do disappoint you. But I'm also learning that I am not what is going on around me...I am not what is happening to me. I am what is inside of me. I am still learning, with every day that passes, just what an amazing, strong, smart, creative, fun person there is in there.
And as I type these words, I am learning that the "s" key on my laptop is being somewhat less than cooperative. That's just how some days go. If there's an s missing somewhere....oh well. Pretend it's there.

No comments:

Post a Comment