Monday, October 18, 2010


i have a friend who once upon a time put the most marvelous words (or maybe even some not-so-marvelous ones!) on paper and flung them out...into the four land where they may with the hopes that the birds would use them to feather their nests. that is such a nice thought...such a freeing and comforting action. so...let's fling....either random thoughts or thoughts with passion and purpose....or thoughts that need releasing before one explodes. i will type what is in my head. it may or may not make sense to you, but it is in here and needs to be released...
today i read these words...or something similar..."I hope I never go blind." could you possibly know? every day it is more difficult. blind? i can't imagine. but, yes, it is is a possibility. i would hope and pray not. ever. but....there's this thing called heredity...and sometimes it's not so kind. i'm getting new glasses next week and am so hoping they help...a lot. i laugh it off a lot, this lack of good eyesight. but the truth of it is this: without my glasses, no, i can't see the numbers on the fact, what clock?! and television....not even! my work and my books must be right up in my face, but i still do what i, knitting, sewing, quilting, reading....we just have a much "closer" relationship now! and for the record, i have the same never...ever...go blind. but then..........i also hope i never go bald. that sounds so vain....but...and here comes what i've been holding in..... when you brush your hair and find 2 bald spots the size of nickels at first, but quarters last month and growing larger every day (we're almost to half dollar size now) and your hair gets so thin you're afraid every morning when you wash it that there isn't going to be anything there when you take the towel down and you remember how your mom looked when she lost her hair and then you think "but i'm not on chemo" and you wonder...continually it gnaws at you..."what. is. going. on?" and you're afraid to go get that haircut you so desperately need because if they cut it, there REALLY won't be anything left and then people will SEE THEM....and you know it's your thyroid because mom and brother and sister all have/had thyroid troubles, but me? noooooo...can't be MY thyroid because it tested normal when i finally did call the doctor so now i get to go see another doctor because.....i want/need to know....what. is. going. on? so there. huff.
now...the good side. there always is one, you know. perhaps not about those two particular things, but other things....i have another craft show coming up...actually, two of them! the first one, nov. 6, is a fundraiser for a friends' church. the other is the next weekend, for 2 days, nov. 12 and 13. it is here at my house and will be an open house type of show and sale. i am feverishly working to make as many things as i can to have on hand for both. trouble is, i keep seeing great ideas and adding things i want to do....i don't think my "stop" button is working....and i know for a fact i don't have an "easy" button! i am truly truly making a concentrated effort to stay focused on one thing at a time. and to remember this: no one will know what i WAS going to do...or what i WANTED to do...or what i THOUGHT ABOUT doing....unless i open my big mouth and tell them! so, i think i will for this very first open house, stick with what i know....and do simple...well. perhaps it will keep my stress level down....and who knows...maybe my hair will grow back!!! if not.....wonder how i'd look as a red-head?!

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